Dear Madam,
I am writing to you because I need a letter. You should send me a letter because I am a very special individual. You see I have blondish curly hair which of course you should know makes me very special. I also never never never ever never ever get mail. It would be nice to get a letter every now and then. Getting mail makes me happy which being happy makes me happy and in feeling happy that makes me happy and things that make happy are usually happy things and I like happy things because they make me rather happy and in feeling said emotion I feel so very happy. I like feeling happy and mail makes me happy.
Also, I deserve mail because I am a very good homo sapien. I have an IQ of 68 which you know is very high indeed. Intelligent people get mail all the time, well all intellectuals but me. Since I am such an intelligent person I should get mail. You know reading makes people smarter, you learn new words and things. Reading a letter is just like reading a book, only with better information and it takes less time, usually. Just think if everyone sent a letter to the little Pig Meas down in New Guinea they would no longer be the little Pig Meas of New Guinea they would be known as the very smart civilization once known as the little Pig Meas of New Guinea. There would be no more starving children in Africa if we all sent them letters because they would know how to properly hunt and plant food and things like that. Just think how smart everyone would be, it would be awesome.
I thought of you to help me solve this issue because you, as I have heard, enjoy writing so I thought what a good way to help you out with your joys. I like helping people out. You should like helping too. Therefore, you should seriously send me a letter. Helping people makes you an even better person than you already are. Of course everyone wants to become a better person. Also, helping people makes other people like you, good or bad. As well as you know people like people to like them, well unless you are a complete burnout loser with no friends. But, what a better way to get more friends then to be a better person then by helping other burnout losers with no friends, luckily I am not a burnout loser with no friends I indeed have lots of them, not all of them are invisible either. Its in the human nature to want to be liked by others and want what others have and never be satisfied but anyway, to fulfill all that human nature stuff you just need to become a better person and not be a burnout loser with no friends. Therefore, you should begin your transformation into goodness by helping out poor old me, a non burnout non losery person willing to help a burnout loser with no friends, like yourself, become a non burnout non losery person.
I have come to the conclusion that you are probably tired of hearing me go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how much I need a letter and how you should be the one to send me said letter. I hate it when people just won’t stop talking about the same thing, even though I do it ALL the time. As your eyes are burning and your head is probably spinning with great thoughts to write about in your letter to me. I suppose I could just keep writing to you about how much I need a letter. I t has been a dream of mine since I was just “a bun in the oven” of mine to receive a letter with very personal information contained inside it. I want to know everything about you. Your thoughts, your likes dislikes, birthday, address, car type, room location in your home, etc. If you could please include the following information in you letter it would be very appreciated: Name, age, address, phone number, social security number, occupation, job description, type of shampoo you use, your perfume flavor, what kind of chap stick do you prefer scented or non scented, so on so forth. I am very excited to be hearing from you very soon.
Sincerely,
Alison Hansen
